As we head into the holiday season, it seemed to me to be a good time to address the topic of flexibility. Really!
Can’t see the connection between the holidays and the subject of flexibility? Be flexible with me for a minute, and I hope to make the connection for you.
If you are a stay-at-home mom, then you know what a day looks like for you. You begin a day with a to-do list or even a general idea in you mind of what you would like to get done. Like most stay-at-home moms, there are many things that we do that can be done today, or if things go crazy and we don’t get to those jobs, we can do those things tomorrow. For example, if you don’t get the baseboards dusted today, they can be done tomorrow. If you don’t get the light switch plates and doorknobs disinfected today, you can always do that tomorrow.
If you are a work-outside-the-home mom, I can see you rolling your eyes. Dust the baseboards?! Disinfect the light switch plates?! You might be saying, “Does anyone do that?”
I have been both kinds of moms. I worked outside of the home for the first couple of years after I had children. I was and am so grateful that I could transition to being at home. But after all of these years, I can still remember how I felt the first time I realized I was actually cleaning the light switch plates. It felt so good to get the nitty-gritty cleaning done. It took a while to get all of that done, and I found myself (talking to myself) and saying, “How did I get these things done when I was working?” And then I answered myself (no comments, please), “I didn’t!”
But whether you stay at home or work outside the home, the fact is that mothers always have some kind of list (written down or swirling in the head) of things that need to be done. But moms are usually flexible. We delay . . . grocery shopping . . . Christmas shopping . . . cleaning out the closet . . . sewing curtains . . . if someone “we know and love” needs something else done.
Moms let their days control them instead of them controlling their days, and this comes disguised as flexibility. We are carried along by . . . excitement . . . activities . . . events . . . demands . . . surprises, etc. instead of being directed by organization.
Before, anyone chimes in here, let me say that I totally get that kind of flexibility. If after all, I’m home all the time and can make those kinds of concessions to help meet the needs of others, then why not?
We could also spend time chatting about whether or not what other are asking of us is really a need or just a want or just selfishness. That actually would be another post and not my purpose here.
I’m simply suggesting that we evaluate whether or not it is flexibility or disorganization that puts that kind of demand on us.
Now the tie-in to the holidays. With the holidays upon us, this would be a great time to do that evaluating. Moms will find themselves in more demand than usual, and I don’t need to iterate those things for you. You may be feeling the crunch already if you look at the calendar.
So, I have a couple of organizing ideas for you.
1) Put your activities on the calendar. I believe that I have suggested this here before. We have our family put their events and activities on the calendar so that we can “be there” for them. Our family, given the opportunity, might rise to the occasion and “be there” for us, if only they knew what our responsibilities were. Wouldn’t you love to hear, “Mom, I see that you are decorating the house tomorrow, would you have time one evening this week that the two of us could bake cookies?”
2) Build buffers into your time schedule. Believe it or not, there are interruptions in a day.
Secondly, sometimes things just take longer than we had expected. Lastly, you don’t want to be so tightly scheduled that you can’t stop for the special moments that come along when you least expect them.
3) Plan ahead what is important to get done during the holidays. Once you have determined what you absolutely must or want to do during the season, then everything else is flexible. Me? I would put family events on the calendar first because family is important to me. Your family events may include school programs, school parties as well as family gatherings. Next, put on the calendar any special events that your family is interested in doing ~ a tree lighting ceremony, the festival of lights, a Christmas play. A side benefit to getting that on the calendar now is that you can get the information, time schedules and tickets for the events before the event is sold out. Don’t forget to schedule in your shopping, baking and decorating time. If you get to flexible on the later, you will be, well, let’s just say, “It won’t be a pretty sight.”
The best thing you can do to be hospitable to your family and friends is to be organized enough to allow flexibility where it really counts.
Share with us how you organize for the holidays to help reduce your stress.